This is an excellent book for any startup founder and entrepreneur. I recommend it without reservation. While it has not been written with the intention of addressing anything in startups and the world of entrepreneurship, it has a lot of points that are relevant, which in this blog I will try to explain.
Entrepreneurship can feel like a painful journey at times, but you must learn to find the pleasure in this pain.
Shame is a magic killer. It destroys your creative side and unfortunately, society, cultures, and religions have made us feel bad about many of our deeper desires and creative sides.
Learning to live shamelessly with your shadow / darker side can be very rewarding. Understanding that our desires are not dark, bad, and indeed normal, good, and creative.
The book “Existential Kink” by Caroline Elliot talks about just this.
Before I dive into explaining what my takeaway from this book is, I would like to add two things.
- This is my takeaway and version of what I think of this book and how I have applied it to my train of thought.
- I do not believe in a single religion or culture is superior to the other. I spent a part of my life being anti-religion and finally coming to the “personal conclusion” that religion was started by enlighted people and distorted by those seeking to manipulate others in order to control and keep the power.
This book talks about understanding your shadows and celebrating your dark side; and in doing so giving yourself permission to do what you had thought unacceptable; will bring out the creativity inside you. There are two aspects to being shameless and letting go.
A) As I just mentioned, the part of religion or culture that makes us feel bad about certain things and it is not just religion. It exists everywhere, including in the academic world and amongst all scientists. Let’s look at some simple examples. Many works of art include nudity, sex, and many things that are considered taboo and unacceptable in some religions or cultures like Islam.
Any person wishing to express their creativity in painting, writing, or anything that includes any such material will immediately feel restricted, and if not restricted may be shameful. They may think that it will not be acceptable to their compatriot or even outside of their circle. They fear the consequences and as a result, suppress that creativity.
This problem is not exclusive to Islam, but I have personally seen devout Christians, Jewish and many others suppress their creativity and thoughts because of one religion or another.
Not only that, I have seen the same in the academic world and I must add even experienced it. I remember when I was doing my BSc at King’s College London, I spoke at length to one of the lecturers about using Hydrogen as an alternative fuel. He simply ridiculed me, laughed, and insisted on the impossibilities. After a few sessions, I gave up. I gave up, in fear of sounding too stupid and feeling ashamed of my train of thoughts.
So often we stop doing what we want to do in fear of what others might say or think of us. We are ashamed of our creative thoughts, acts, and productions. So much so that we would rather suppress these feelings rather than face the shame.
The same shame that we might feel from failing in a startup project. Failure in business can feel equally as bad and shameful. Despite all the VC articles about how they embrace failed entrepreneurs, almost none of them look for a list of your failures. Most of them look for a list of successes and achievements in order to back their investment decision. So it is no wonder why most entrepreneurs (including myself) find it harder to talk about our failures, as they form part of our shame.
Allowing ourselves to be shameless, will help us get over this feeling of disapproval and what others might think.
Feeling shameless will bring out creativity in us and allows us to create things that most other people would not dare to think about. Let me give you one example. A few months ago at a Startup exhibition in Sevilla, I saw a startup that had created the first male vibrator.
While talking to the founder I wondered, if female vibrators have been in the market for so long, then why has it taken so long for a product like this to hit the market? Could it be that many others had a similar idea but thought it difficult to talk about, find investors, and bring it to market?
B) The second message that is my takeaway from this book is how we can turn many of the things we find painful into pleasure.
The author talks about BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism) as one example. Many people find joy and pleasure in this type of sexual activity while for others it remains taboo, a dark thought, a shameful act, or just simply painful.
By understanding that:
A) There is nothing to be ashamed of enjoying such an activity.
B) You are not doing anything wrong and allowing yourself to be shameless.
C) Despite what you think, you may actually enjoy it and it may not be necessarily painful.
D) Or to simply find that pleasure in pain.
You will:
- Give your creativity permission to express itself in whatever form and desire that it wants.
2. You will stop suppressing your desires for fear of what others might think of you.
3 & 4. You will find that it is not as hard or painful as you thought it would be and you will end up enjoying whatever it is that you wanted to do.
Entrepreneurship can feel like a painful journey at times, but you must learn to find the pleasure in this pain.
Shame is a magic killer. It destroys your creative side and unfortunately, society, cultures, and religions have made us feel bad about many of our deeper desires and creative sides.
If you have read this far, then I hope you have liked it. So why not buy me a coffee 😀 and you can also tell me what you thought of it.
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