How Negative Feedback Shapes Our Actions and Mindset

Why One Bad Experience Can Stop Us from Trying Again

As with many things in life, we base our next action on a past response or experience. A single bad experience can stop us from trying again, simply because it made us afraid.

Our interpretation of feedback plays a major role in how we plan our next move. Often, these interpretations happen so quickly that they become ingrained in our subconscious.

While this mechanism is excellent for fast learning, it doesn't always lead to the best outcome. Sometimes, our brain registers a false positive for a poor reaction, or a false negative when all that was really needed was to try again, differently.

Real-Life Example: A Coaching Client and Public Speaking Fear

Part 1: The Story

This morning, I received a message from one of my clients. We had been working together for a month in preparation for an upcoming presentation. Together, we tackled various elements; from stage anxiety and managing pre-event nervousness, to mastering the delivery of the presentation itself.

It’s important to note that public speaking anxiety is largely a subconscious fear. Speaking, however, is a conscious skill and handling that anxiety requires both awareness and continuous practice to overwrite old, negative experiences.

As part of my coaching, I always reassure clients that on the day of their presentation, they can reach out to me last minute via phone or WhatsApp, with the hope that this extra layer of support gives them some added confidence. I also send both pre- and post-presentation messages via WhatsApp and email to check in and encourage reflection.

After his presentation, my client messaged me to say he was happy with how it went.

When Silence Feels Like Rejection

Of course, that’s just the beginning of the journey. Like learning any new skill, whether it's; painting, swimming, or coding, the first milestone is often just a taste of what’s possible. Some people feel inspired to continue improving, while others are satisfied with where they have arrived. There’s no right or wrong here; each person has different goals.

I had sent a follow-up message on the day of his event, but when I received no reply, I misinterpreted the silence as a signal of disinterest. I waited a week and then followed up again — this time using a more open approach to gently rekindle his interest and also ask if he might be willing to refer me to others.

You get the picture: In my mind, I had done my part, the client was satisfied, and the silence meant the journey had ended for the client’s goal.

That’s why his response took me by surprise:

• A) It wasn’t the response I had hoped for or expected.
• B) I noticed how it upset me — and more importantly, how it affected my mood, even if only for a short while.

Note: Initially my subconscious registered this as negative feedback.
It triggered a moment of self-doubt, activated a subtle stress response, and nudged me toward questioning my self-worth.

The Biology Behind Negative Feedback Loops

Part 2: Analysing the Biology of What Happened

My immediate thoughts jumped straight to how he had misunderstood my intention and I instinctively began formulating a response, “a defense”. I felt upset, and part of me wanted to fix the situation, even though I knew he had already closed the door.

This is the perfect setup for a negative feedback loop, the kind of moment that gets registered as a “bad past experience.” When we feel emotional distress (like being hurt, rejected, or misunderstood), the body reacts almost instantly. This reaction isn’t random, it’s part of our survival system, the same one that helped our ancestors respond to threats and survival instincts.

How the Brain and Body React to Emotional Triggers

Note on Survival: In today’s world your work and financial security is the equivalent of finding food. The difference between you killing and getting the animal that feeds you, or your competitor getting away with what could be your only food for sometime.

What happens in our body is as follows:

• First, the amygdala fires within milliseconds: The amygdala is the small almond-shaped part of the brain that constantly scans for emotional danger. Even a message can be interpreted as a threat. When it does, the alarm bells go off.
• Next, the hypothalamus triggers the stress response:
  • Activates the sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight mode)
  • Sends urgent signals to the adrenal glands
• Then the adrenal glands release stress hormones:
  • Adrenaline increases heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing.
  • Cortisol kicks in later, suppresses the immune system and lowers mood-regulating hormones.

When Cortisol Dominates, Rational Thought Declines

In my case, this was the moment where my brain was racing: “How can I save this situation? What should I say? My reputation is at stake. I need to fix this.” (Do you see the spiral? It’s automatic — and biologically programmed.)

Now we feel low and sad:

As cortisol enters the bloodstream, our body prioritizes survival above all else. It pulls energy away from digestion, immunity, and even rational thinking. Prolonged cortisol activity also lowers levels of serotonin and dopamine — the hormones that help us feel good and motivated.

In my case, I suddenly felt exhausted and sleepy — even though it was early in the morning and I had just woken up. That’s how powerful the emotional-biological loop is.

Breaking the Feedback Loop: Awareness Is Power

The Feedback Loop: How Memories Get Etched

Our thoughts can keep the stress cycle alive. If we start replaying the event or fixating on it, the brain re-triggers the same alarm. The hormones keep circulating. The experience gets further etched into memory.

And here’s the most fascinating part: The brain stores memories best during heightened emotional states. Whether the emotion is joy or pain, the stronger the feeling, the deeper the memory imprint.

All experiences like these become the reference point for how we interpret similar events in the future that sometimes leads to avoidance, fear, or hesitation, even when there’s no real danger.

Conscious Mindset Shifts in Handling Feedback

Part 3: Conscious Analysis of Feedback

Awareness is the first step for us to improve ourselves and this falls back on our mindset and how we come to interpret actively and consciously these types of feedback.

While this morning I observed how the message initially created a negative response within me — the fight or flight, or one that required me defending my position — I quickly intercepted the response.

I was aware that I had received a response. I took time away from the message and decided to analyse my body’s response. I adjusted and shifted my mindset. I then reread the message, with a mindset that this is “Constructive feedback” for my own benefit.

Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset

Dr. Carol Dweck, a renowned psychologist at Stanford University, has been researching extensively how we handle negative feedback. She has come to call this the distinction between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset.

In her investigation a fixed mindset believes that abilities (like intelligence, talent, or public speaking skill) are static. So when someone with a fixed mindset receives negative feedback, they often take it personally — as proof that they’re “not good enough.”

Our past experiences shape our future responses. Sometimes for the better and other times incorrectly for the worse. Once we consciously observe negative feedback and the onset of our emotions, we can start to control our minds and work to shape our future experiences.

Tools to Rewire the Stress Response

How to Shift the Feedback Loop for Growth

This is the basis of the growth mindset: The fostering of our ability to see challenges and negative feedback as opportunities to learn, adapt, and grow.

Here is what you can do next time you feel anxious or nervous in any situation:

Ask yourself:

• Is there a different interpretation to the biological feedback?
• Is this a real threat or is it conditioning from a past experience?
• What are the root causes of these feelings?

And then:

• Repeat the exposure in a safe environment to neutralize the amygdala’s response to these events over time
• Use self-awareness to regulate your mental and biological response — like breath work, reframing, or grounding techniques — to interrupt the biological loop.