Resentment is simply a mental resistance to accepting something which has already happened.
It is made up from two latin words “RE” & “SENTIRE” meaning “BACK” and “TO FEEL”. Therefore resentment is an emotional rehashing or refighting of some event in the past.
When things don’t go as planned it is only natural that we start analysing it to find out what has gone wrong, however many times we fall into the trap of not accepting our faults or limitation and as such start to blame the society, life, the system and anything but us and the root cause. Some go as far as resenting the success of others as proof that they have been short-changed in life. This unfortunately is a deadly trap that makes happiness impossible. It uses a tremendous amount of energy to build and keep an image of a victim or someone that has been treated unfairly.
Let me repeat, resentment is an emotional rehashing or refighting of some event in the past. Of course, it is natural that we all to some extent examine the past but the problem starts when we start to relive the past. It becomes an impossible battle as we cannot change the past and we therefore start constructing all sorts of stories and reasons to justify our triumph over a failure.
What happens next is that we become reliant on the feeling of being short-changed, the victim, and the feeling that life owes us and we will soon become dependent on others to confirm this in order for us to feel good and happy. WHAM. This then becomes how we attain happiness and BANG it becomes the end of our dream. It becomes the end of our dream because we have found happiness in being the victim. It is an absolute and the ultimate vicious circle.
The only way out is awareness. Awareness of your attitude. I would be lying to say that I have not been there and not just once. Many things have not gone as planned, and many things for which I failed to find an explanation for, or I simply was not willing to accept what I did wrong. MANY. Again I would be lying if I did not admit and this is why I am writing these blogs, to share my experience, so you can learn and avoid those pitfalls. And can you avoid it simply by awareness?
Awareness is the first step. Once you are aware, you can change your attitude. The past is past, accept failure, and don’t find a scapegoat, a punch is a punch and it hurts but better to get punched once than to relive the sensation of a punch for a lifetime. Let the root cause hit you in the face; fall, and then get up. Now it is time to just readjust, and feel happy that you are back on your feet and you have a whole new horizon ahead.
Once you are aware you can change your attitude towards how you see things. You have a chance in life to change it, to fix it, and to feel happy. Move forward, fall, and fall in love, again and again. Get up, embrace yourself, find the one good thing you learnt about the experience.
The feeling of having learnt something new is empowering and let this be the POWER OF FAILURE to propel you and help you move forward.
This post was the number 6 blog on The Power of FAILURE. The letter “R” for Resentement. The next post will be the last blog in the series, for the letter “E” for Emptiness.